What did the actress say to the blindfolded bishop?

I don't think i'm a dolt enough to know that

I'm not voting for Hilary Clinton. Those bodyguards may look phallic, but they don't have a chance

Officer, take your hands off Alice's tiny neck!

As the king said to his chambermaid, I just lick the pages and then turn them over

I used to have some soccer stars pinned to my bedroom wall, but the team suffered

So I unpinned them, and now they play much better


I've got a 12-year old catholic schoolgirl at home. I don't let her out of the house. She's bi-polar, bisexual, and buys shoes. She used to be angry. Now she's just a muse

I put her in the machine every Friday, like it's a religion. Washing off the little love-stains

I've already written her a collection of love-poems. It's called Throwing In The Towel

,